Five months HOME

     Just this week two people mentioned my blog to me, so I figure it's time to update y'all!
     August 7th marked Maggie's 5th month as a Barcalow although it's like she has always been here! She continues to amaze us with her understanding of English in such a short time! She is talking quite a bit, mimicking everything. And she is now running, which is so fun to see; still working on jumping though!
     Today she had a MRI on her brain to check the amount of fluid and to see what the ventricles look like. The neuro docs are thinking that shunt placement is in the near future. So, Friday we will find out the results and what they want to do as far as surgery.
     I'm pretty anxious to get those results. She is getting along so well and originally the neuro docs were saying that due to lack of pressure on the optic nerve she wouldn't need shunts yet. Then when we went in for her 3mo check, we were told that although she has compensated very well, it is only a matter of time before her progress plateaus, due to the amount of fluid in her head. And we have always wondered how long it would be because her head is VERY heavy. Even so, she is such a happy girl; so FULL of joy!

At Grandma Steiner's in IN - relaxing...

My favorite dress on her... Thanks Sage & Amy!!

Eating at Zesto's in IN

With one of her buddies, Braxtyn!

     

Contentment is necessary

     The longer I know Christ, the more grateful I am that He alone can give me contentment. I need it in so many areas of my being...really. Let me talk about my reality, because that is where God meets me. 

     I struggle with wants of all kinds...

     I want to be able to take our kids all kinds of cool places over summer break but don't have the funds. Now, let me clarify. We are not poor, but we don't have a ton of money just laying around either. With seminary bills and medical bills, we have to decide the best use of the "fun" money. Sometimes I wonder if I would struggle so much if so many around us didn't have a lot of money. Hmmm... God meets me in this struggle on a daily basis and every time I take it to Him, He wins. My outlook changes. I find joy in spending time with my kids at the pool or just hanging at a friends house. Just the other day some very generous families gave our family Carowinds passes. We have already went enough to make the money worth it. It has been great family time! We consider it another provision from God! A blessing God didn't have to give us, but He did!

     I want many THINGS. Curtains all around my house, a minivan, a pergola in the backyard, new mulch, a new bathing suit, new pots and pans. However, none of those things would make my life any more wonderful; they would just be filling a want. Jesus says that "life doesn't consist in the abundance of our possessions". (Luke 12:14) 

     I want to be able to make budget on groceries. Seriously. I so struggle with this one; always going over! How does God help with this one? Contentment comes in all shapes and sizes my friends! Sometimes it is by giving me the discipline to put things back on the shelf that aren't needed yet. Sometimes it is by providing the meals for us - the other night we went to a church get together and came home with enough leftovers for two meals! 

    The last one I will share is that I want to be able to eat what I want and still lose weight. Maybe the word should be DISCIPLINE. Within myself, I have none. NONE. I do not like to work out and I do not like to say no to food. And all that would be fine if I was still 20; but I am one year from 40. My body doesn't work like it used to. Let me be clear - chocolate will always be my friend. My daily friend. But aside from that, I have come to realize that I need to gain some discipline in my diet and exercise. And it might sound funny, but for me, this is a spiritual thing. Without the spirit of Jesus within me, nothing will change. And I love that God has been with me in the struggle; in my reality. He is changing my outlook. He is giving me perseverance and endurance to change some things I really don't want to change, but need to. 

     

On a home front...

     Maggie is doing wonderful! She is such a happy kid! We can't imagine our family without her! She had her first speech and third occupational therapy session last week. She loves it!

     We continue to pray for Nolan. Matt and I can't figure out where the finances are going to come from, with bringing a fourth into our family, but on the flip-side, we have a peace about it; we know God will provide. Crazy how that works.

One of those days

     This one might be long. I have a lot on my mind about my kids...    
     I love my children. What I do not love is summer break. There are some fun moments, but to be honest, the LONG days around the house are tiring to my mind.
     We have a whole lot of arguing amongst the two oldest in our home, and a WHOLE lot of 2 year old fits. We handle the fits so differently than when Natalie was two. Now I get a kick out of what the fits are over. Today alone Maggie has thrown a fit over...

• Not being able to put on the undergarment that I was putting on : )
• Not being able to ride an adult bike
• Not being able to play with the remote and change the channel while I was doing a work-out video
• Not having three bowls of grits for breakfast. 

     Whew! No wonder she has been taking three hour naps! : )

     Natalie, our oldest, has a heart of compassion. If one of us is hurt she jumps into action. She is outside washing our truck as I write; she didn't even want help. I was so impressed that I offered her $4. 

     The last couple of days she has made some really great decisions in how to handle things in her world. And she is listening to advice. The whole listening thing has been a real struggle for her in her 9 years of life. It has been a source of frustration for Matt and I, and yet I so see myself in her. That part in her that feels stupid having to be corrected. That part that doesn't want to have to learn one more thing. We pray that she will become teachable. That she would see that, as Scripture says, it is good to learn; the wise add to their learning.

     Jaydn, our second, has a very giving heart which is such a great quality! But Jaydn is an absolute pro at persistence. Not endurance, persistence. Such as: continuing to ask for something even though we said no. Telling me over and over why he doesn't like what we are having for supper; asking every two minutes if Natalie's turn on computer is done and his is up - even though the timer says she still has 10 minutes. 

     Maggie, the one for which you started reading this blog in the first place, is a smiley, playful, music-loving, fit-throwing joy. She is coming into her "own". I cannot overlook the sheer JOY that she has in the morning. As if she remembers the walls she used to wake up to. 

     I feel like Maggie has always been here. But this week we have seen where she is not completely adjusted to her surroundings. She really struggles when I leave the house. Even if it's with daddy, who she loves. I am her security and God is molding me to be ok with being needed so much. I have been quoting 1 Peter 3:4 "...instead [your beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."  It's the words gentle and quiet that get me. I've been allowing Jesus to help me meditate on those words and what they look like in my life. Hopefully those characteristics are seen in my parenting. 

     We are becoming "settled" as a family of five and yet we see another in our future. We believe God has called us to adopt another. A little boy with black skin. When we pray for him, we pray for Nolan. Right now we are praying for God's timing and God's direction as to where Nolan is. Haiti? That would be great as Matt's heart is so much there. Domestic? We don't know. But we would covet prayers on the journey.

     Gentle and quiet in spirit. This adoption journey, and the 2nd one to which we believe we have been called, have opened up a new pathway to learning about my God. In times of frustration I can be quiet, knowing that because GOD knows, I will not be overwhelmed. In times of weariness with being a mom, I can still be gentle, b/c it is GOD who works in me; stopping those harsh thoughts from coming out of my mouth. 

     Well, I don't know how many people still read this blog and if they do, how many made it to the end of this book. But, I sure do feel better! haha

Memorial Day...One year ago today

     One year ago today we saw her picture. Today she is our daughter! We didn't know that we needed her, but God did!

She found Jaydn's goggles

She loves rocking in her chair, looking at books.

She is in love with Natalie & Jaydn

She was playing peek-a-boo from behind the chair

Chalk time

She loves her ice pops!

Just had to share

     Maggie started going to preschool about 5 weeks ago. At first I tried her in my 2yo classroom, which only made me have an hour breakdown (literally - man! those tears wouldn't stop). SO, with encouragement from my teacher friends, I put her in another 2yo room. Every week the "hand-off" gets better. She still SCREAMS (as soon as we turn the corner to her room) but now she lunges for her teacher while screaming, AND the screaming only lasts for a minute. She is then off to play.
     The room she is in is attached to mine, so we have a blanket covering the window between the two so she can't see me. I have loved peeking through to watch her play. She is CRUISING around that room now! And she is happy! One mom stopped me in the hall the other day and said, "Look at her! She has LIFE in her eyes! Look at the LIFE!"
     One more thing about today...she played kick-ball at school. Kick-ball! They said she gets her stance, with one foot in front of the other, and just grins. And then she does the bases!
   
     I still have so many "oh my word, we have a 2yo again" moments! I am just amazed at what God has done in our lives this last year. On Memorial Day weekend last year, we saw a picture of her for the first time. One year later she has already been a Barcalow for 10 weeks/home for 9! C-R-A-Z-Y!

     Don't ever doubt what God can do in your life. God's spirit is so unbelievably powerful, and at times unpredictable. After 2 1/2 months of coaxing from His spirit, we said yes to adoption. Hopefully we are an example of how much God can change a mindset and a heart. Maybe we will do this again sometime.... : )

Thanks for being interested in our family!

This was our first pic of her

At week 9 of being a Barcalow. Don't know if you can see
the dirt so much, but she had just made her first MESS with the dirt.
Love it! We let her play and play. She also had her "cape" on.
Her big sis had hers on, so she needed one too (It's an apron).

8 weeks home

     We went to see Maggie's Neuro doctor today. He was happy that she is walking and talking. He said the report on her eyes (that there is no swelling or pressure on her optic nerve; and that her eyesight is fine) is HUGE. So, we thank our God for that!
     Just this past week, Maggie decided it was time to let go of our fingers and go it on her own! She is wandering all over now. It is such a joy to watch her wander and get into everything! And her babbling - so sweet! She will mimick everything now. Not all the words are clear, but she is trying.
     I mentioned that Maggie was approved for Babynet last week, which gives her in-home therapy. We should start that within the next 2 weeks. A plus to the program is that if she still needs help at 3yo, she will transition into the program at Sugar Creek Elementary, which is where Natalie and Jaydn go! AND, I was just told that there is transportation with that also!
     Natalie and Jaydn continue to do well with our family transition. Natalie has a hard time coming home after school to find that Maggie is still napping. I have to close Maggie's door all the way so that Natalie won't peek in and wake her up before it's time. HaHa
     I do think the "newness" of a cute little sister is starting to wear off though, as they have both made comments that she is bothering them. I just smile and listen.
   
     I realize that some of the pictures below, some of you have seen on FaceBook, but they are for those of you who are not on there. : )

Maggie, wearing Natalie's glasses, begging for Jaydn's yogurt

Maggie at school

I don't have a title...

     This Wednesday Maggie will have been home for 8 weeks. Crazy! She is such a sweet little gal. Natalie continues to tell us that she was a great addition to our family!
     Last week Maggie was approved for BabyNet in SC. As a result, she will be able to get varying therapies for free. B-L-E-S-S-I-N-G. We are just waiting to hear from one of the two organizations we picked, to tell us when she starts. Someone will come to our home weekly and work with her. We are thinking she will need speech, and maybe help building the confidence to walk on her own.
     She is mimicking everything now. Words, dancing, singing... She LOVES music!
     This week my goal is to write out our journey for Show Hope, which gave us a huge grant to bring Maggie home. I finally feel like I have the time to sit down and write it out. Hopefully it doesn't end up as a book. HaHa

Wearing Natalie's glasses. She loves glasses of any kind.

Learning to come down the stairs.