The SURE things

     Back in November I wrote about how I felt like the Lord told me "you won't be there [Fort Wayne, IN] for Christmas." And how some days I felt such an urgency to pray for December.    
      Well, this past month has really been a mental struggle for my faith as a result of these feelings. Let me clarify - I am not struggling over whether I believe God to be real or not. I am convinced that He is real. I have been struggling over what faith truly entails.
     When the Lord told me I would "have a Maggie someday" I had to act on that. And look what happened! So, when I hear what I believe to be the same voice, I am stuck with the question of how to believe.  If I assume the voice was speaking of picking Maggie up in December, and that doesn't happen, was my faith too weak? Or did I not hear correctly? Or was God not talking about China? Does God take things away b/c our faith is limited? Because we can only imagine from what we know?
     I told Matt I am mentally tired of the struggle in my mind over December. Trying to figure out what I heard. Did I hear right? What if I'm wrong and basing hope on a time instead of God, the author of this crazy journey.
     Shame. That is what I have felt each time someone says they are praying in faith that we will get her in December. I feel ashamed because it is December 10 and we don't even have LOA yet (China's approval). After we get our LOA we still have to finish up more paperwork. So I don't know how on earth we would be there in December.
     There are a few things I am sure of...
1) When I do my daily devotions in the morning, I sacrifice my thoughts to Jesus. Good, bad, ugly, doesn't matter. When I lay them down and confess that I don't WANT to figure it out, I just want to leave it, I am filled with PEACE.
2) I am filled with JOY when I just prepare for our trip to China. (I have Maggie's suitcase almost fully packed. YAY!)
3) Our "Gotcha day" will be the exact day that God has authored. His timing is perfect. Never early; never late.
    Psalm 42:4-6 "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will YET praise him, my Savior and my God."  


These pictures are of our Maggie Mei at 20months!!