On the other side of the surgery

     Last week at this time we were in the hospital room, just relaxing as Maggie came fully out of the anesthesia. By the end of the night she was riding in the wagon, talking as if nothing happened. Crazy. We are so grateful for Dr. McLanahan and his team!

     One week later she is off all meds and only seems uncomfortable after naps, but even that is maybe twenty minutes of "hold you" time. Her first follow-up appointment is next Friday. 

     Matt and I were talking today about how we just can't imagine our family without her! We are so glad God changed our hearts.

Wanting her sister to give her ducks back.

First hay ride.

Maggie's surgery

     We went in for a pre-op appointment today at Levine Children's Hospital, getting all the paperwork done for Maggie's surgery coming up Thursday, Oct. 18. Matt and I feel good about it; Maggie was thrilled to sit and eat two bags of goldfish and to receive a "doctor bag". We feel very blessed to be able to take her to a top rated hospital for kids! 

     For those of you who are detail people... Surgery is scheduled for 8a on Thursday, lasting about 2 hours; we will be in the hospital for 24-48 hours. Our home recovery should be one week or less (amazing huh?). Her surgeon is Dr. McLanahan. No, her entire head will not be shaved, just a small section. Yes, she will be asleep before they give her IV. She will have one shunt inserted into her brain and a tube will go down into her stomach, which empties the fluid. Yes we can have visitors, once she is in a normal room. (Can you tell what questions we have been asked a lot? HaHa)

     We covet the prayers!

Maggie and....Nolan???

     Even after six months, I find it odd that I am buying diapers and wipes again; That I am mom to a 2-year-old again. Although, I have to say that I love having older kiddos and a younger one. There is something special about enjoying both "seasons".
     This afternoon Maggie came running up to me in the kitchen singing her favorite song - "Mom, Mom, Mom...eus (Jesus) ove (love) ME! Yes eus loves MEEEE! Bible tell me so!"  I melted.
     For those without Facebook, Maggie's surgery is scheduled for Thursday, Oct. 18th at 8a. Instead of two shunts, she will only get one. We were told her ventricles are open, so no need for two.

Carowinds!!!

     They tell us that when it comes to brain surgery, shunt placement is very routine. I am happy about that, but can't figure out how I feel about the fact that my daughter is having BRAIN surgery.

Bed-Head

Ready for the day!

Washing the care with daddy 

Learning to spit

Playing in the rain with Jaydn

     Most of you probably noticed the name Nolan in my "title". He is the little guy with dark skin that we are praying towards finding. Early on with our journey to Maggie, we both said we felt we could adopt again. Well, that thought became real in our hearts and at this point we, well, I, am researching (Matt is busy with work and seminary and being a dad) different agencies to work with, and whether or not to look in Haiti or domestically. My heart these days is, not consumed, but very aware of a little guy out there, or soon to be out there, that will be our son. When Matt pictures our four kids together, he always pictures Nolan with dark skin. That is why we say possibly Haiti. However, we are also aware of the huge need domestically. 

     So, we covet your prayers for clarity for us on this journey. That God's spirit would reveal to us, His timing. We fully expect our God to hand us some more miracles, as He did with Maggie Mei. : )  (We are hoping one of those is a van...seriously).

God is still showing off...

...and we are so incredibly GRATEFUL!!! I had to share what God is doing in our home.

     We have been hit pretty hard with some bills as of late. And on top of those bills we received the initial statement, before insurance, for Maggie's MRI - close to $12,000. Can you believe it??? I can only imagine what her brain surgery will cost! So, we have in the back of our minds that, medically, the bills will always be there.
     Anyway, since I don't work much in the summer, we have been super tight, not even knowing where the money was going to come from for some things. HOWEVER, in faith, we journaled in our Jehovah Jirah book (where we write every way that God provides for us) that we were laying all of the bills down before Christ, believing that although we cannot see where the provision is coming from, it will come. That was August 31, not even a week ago.
     Yesterday at church I shared with a friend our journey with the finances.
     Today, that friend dropped off a check that covered all of the bills we were struggling to pay and then some!!! We were floored! Humbled! She said that the money wasn't really hers to give...they were just waiting for the Lord to share with them what it was for!
     Y'all, Jesus did a lot of showing off on our journey to Maggie, and now He continues to remind us that He still owns it all and we can just know that His provisions are absolutely unfathomable!

Five months HOME

     Just this week two people mentioned my blog to me, so I figure it's time to update y'all!
     August 7th marked Maggie's 5th month as a Barcalow although it's like she has always been here! She continues to amaze us with her understanding of English in such a short time! She is talking quite a bit, mimicking everything. And she is now running, which is so fun to see; still working on jumping though!
     Today she had a MRI on her brain to check the amount of fluid and to see what the ventricles look like. The neuro docs are thinking that shunt placement is in the near future. So, Friday we will find out the results and what they want to do as far as surgery.
     I'm pretty anxious to get those results. She is getting along so well and originally the neuro docs were saying that due to lack of pressure on the optic nerve she wouldn't need shunts yet. Then when we went in for her 3mo check, we were told that although she has compensated very well, it is only a matter of time before her progress plateaus, due to the amount of fluid in her head. And we have always wondered how long it would be because her head is VERY heavy. Even so, she is such a happy girl; so FULL of joy!

At Grandma Steiner's in IN - relaxing...

My favorite dress on her... Thanks Sage & Amy!!

Eating at Zesto's in IN

With one of her buddies, Braxtyn!

     

Contentment is necessary

     The longer I know Christ, the more grateful I am that He alone can give me contentment. I need it in so many areas of my being...really. Let me talk about my reality, because that is where God meets me. 

     I struggle with wants of all kinds...

     I want to be able to take our kids all kinds of cool places over summer break but don't have the funds. Now, let me clarify. We are not poor, but we don't have a ton of money just laying around either. With seminary bills and medical bills, we have to decide the best use of the "fun" money. Sometimes I wonder if I would struggle so much if so many around us didn't have a lot of money. Hmmm... God meets me in this struggle on a daily basis and every time I take it to Him, He wins. My outlook changes. I find joy in spending time with my kids at the pool or just hanging at a friends house. Just the other day some very generous families gave our family Carowinds passes. We have already went enough to make the money worth it. It has been great family time! We consider it another provision from God! A blessing God didn't have to give us, but He did!

     I want many THINGS. Curtains all around my house, a minivan, a pergola in the backyard, new mulch, a new bathing suit, new pots and pans. However, none of those things would make my life any more wonderful; they would just be filling a want. Jesus says that "life doesn't consist in the abundance of our possessions". (Luke 12:14) 

     I want to be able to make budget on groceries. Seriously. I so struggle with this one; always going over! How does God help with this one? Contentment comes in all shapes and sizes my friends! Sometimes it is by giving me the discipline to put things back on the shelf that aren't needed yet. Sometimes it is by providing the meals for us - the other night we went to a church get together and came home with enough leftovers for two meals! 

    The last one I will share is that I want to be able to eat what I want and still lose weight. Maybe the word should be DISCIPLINE. Within myself, I have none. NONE. I do not like to work out and I do not like to say no to food. And all that would be fine if I was still 20; but I am one year from 40. My body doesn't work like it used to. Let me be clear - chocolate will always be my friend. My daily friend. But aside from that, I have come to realize that I need to gain some discipline in my diet and exercise. And it might sound funny, but for me, this is a spiritual thing. Without the spirit of Jesus within me, nothing will change. And I love that God has been with me in the struggle; in my reality. He is changing my outlook. He is giving me perseverance and endurance to change some things I really don't want to change, but need to. 

     

On a home front...

     Maggie is doing wonderful! She is such a happy kid! We can't imagine our family without her! She had her first speech and third occupational therapy session last week. She loves it!

     We continue to pray for Nolan. Matt and I can't figure out where the finances are going to come from, with bringing a fourth into our family, but on the flip-side, we have a peace about it; we know God will provide. Crazy how that works.

One of those days

     This one might be long. I have a lot on my mind about my kids...    
     I love my children. What I do not love is summer break. There are some fun moments, but to be honest, the LONG days around the house are tiring to my mind.
     We have a whole lot of arguing amongst the two oldest in our home, and a WHOLE lot of 2 year old fits. We handle the fits so differently than when Natalie was two. Now I get a kick out of what the fits are over. Today alone Maggie has thrown a fit over...

• Not being able to put on the undergarment that I was putting on : )
• Not being able to ride an adult bike
• Not being able to play with the remote and change the channel while I was doing a work-out video
• Not having three bowls of grits for breakfast. 

     Whew! No wonder she has been taking three hour naps! : )

     Natalie, our oldest, has a heart of compassion. If one of us is hurt she jumps into action. She is outside washing our truck as I write; she didn't even want help. I was so impressed that I offered her $4. 

     The last couple of days she has made some really great decisions in how to handle things in her world. And she is listening to advice. The whole listening thing has been a real struggle for her in her 9 years of life. It has been a source of frustration for Matt and I, and yet I so see myself in her. That part in her that feels stupid having to be corrected. That part that doesn't want to have to learn one more thing. We pray that she will become teachable. That she would see that, as Scripture says, it is good to learn; the wise add to their learning.

     Jaydn, our second, has a very giving heart which is such a great quality! But Jaydn is an absolute pro at persistence. Not endurance, persistence. Such as: continuing to ask for something even though we said no. Telling me over and over why he doesn't like what we are having for supper; asking every two minutes if Natalie's turn on computer is done and his is up - even though the timer says she still has 10 minutes. 

     Maggie, the one for which you started reading this blog in the first place, is a smiley, playful, music-loving, fit-throwing joy. She is coming into her "own". I cannot overlook the sheer JOY that she has in the morning. As if she remembers the walls she used to wake up to. 

     I feel like Maggie has always been here. But this week we have seen where she is not completely adjusted to her surroundings. She really struggles when I leave the house. Even if it's with daddy, who she loves. I am her security and God is molding me to be ok with being needed so much. I have been quoting 1 Peter 3:4 "...instead [your beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."  It's the words gentle and quiet that get me. I've been allowing Jesus to help me meditate on those words and what they look like in my life. Hopefully those characteristics are seen in my parenting. 

     We are becoming "settled" as a family of five and yet we see another in our future. We believe God has called us to adopt another. A little boy with black skin. When we pray for him, we pray for Nolan. Right now we are praying for God's timing and God's direction as to where Nolan is. Haiti? That would be great as Matt's heart is so much there. Domestic? We don't know. But we would covet prayers on the journey.

     Gentle and quiet in spirit. This adoption journey, and the 2nd one to which we believe we have been called, have opened up a new pathway to learning about my God. In times of frustration I can be quiet, knowing that because GOD knows, I will not be overwhelmed. In times of weariness with being a mom, I can still be gentle, b/c it is GOD who works in me; stopping those harsh thoughts from coming out of my mouth. 

     Well, I don't know how many people still read this blog and if they do, how many made it to the end of this book. But, I sure do feel better! haha